ABUSERS MAKE CONSCIOUS CHOICES EVEN WHILE INTOXICATED
One of my first abusive clients, almost fifteen years ago now, was a physically assaultive husband named Max who worked for a utility company. He had gone out drinking after work one evening, and by the time he arrived at his front door he was “trashed.” He told me that as soon as he came in the house, his wife, Lynn, began “nagging” him. He “saw red” and started to scream at her and soon was tearing into her with his fists. Max sheepishly recounted this event to me, going on to admit that he had torn off some of Lynn’s clothes and had “partly” tied her to a chair. (I’m not sure how you “partly” tie someone to a chair; they are either tied or they’re not.) As Max sat in my office, he seemed to be a likable, mildmannered line worker. It was not easy to imagine what he must have looked like through Lynn’s eyes that night.
I asked him to describe Lynn’s injuries, and he told me that she had black-and-blue marks and welts up and down both of her legs. I inquired about any other injuries, and he said there were none. I was surprised, given the brutality of the attack. “Lynn had no bruises on her arms, or on her face? Why not?” Max’s face changed shape, suddenly peering at me as if I must not be very bright, and he sputtered, “Oh, well, of course I wasn’t going to do anything that would show.”
Lynn confirmed to me later that Max had indeed been stumbling drunk that night. But had his inebriation caused him to lose control? Clearly not. He had remained focused on his desire to protect his own reputation and to avoid putting himself at risk of arrest, and so he had restricted Lynn’s injuries to places where they would be covered by clothing the next day. He could scarcely be termed “out of control.”
I could provide countless similar examples of the consciousness and decision making that my clients exhibit while drunk or on drugs. They may not choose their words quite as carefully, and they may not have perfect coordination of their movements, but they protect their self-interest: They avoid damaging their own prized belongings and usually don’t let their friends and relatives see their most overt and cruel forms of verbal or physical abuse or anything that they feel wouldn’t be adequately covered by the “I was drunk” excuse.
—Why does he do that - Lundy Bancroft (via scherbensalat)
I grew up in the South, where sexism can be so aggressive it smacks you upside the head (or in other places), so naturalized it’s like the sun coming up in the morning. In the late ’80s and early ’90s, when I was coming into adulthood, open expressions of feminist ideas could earn you hostility that was often downright scary.
But reading feminist authors like Marilyn French and Betty Friedan when I was an undergraduate at the University of Georgia gave me a sense that the resistance I felt to the discrimination I saw around me was something to be nurtured rather than overcome. I learned that being a feminist in the South was tough — it meant you had to be quick, Protean, subversive, and you damn well better have a sense of humor, or you would not survive. It also gave me strength and pride to identify with a movement that could correct wrongs and rewrite a social script that didn’t fit me.
—Lynn Stuart Parramore in What I Learned Growing Up in the South as a Feminist, and the Problems With Today’s Feminist Movement (via likethedew)
Until the lion has his historian, the hunter will always be the hero.
This proverb exists in different forms in many parts of Africa
"Until lions have their own historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter" (Igbo, Nigeria).
"Until lions start writing down their own stories, the hunters will always be the heroes" (Kenya and Zimbabwe).
Black/African history has always being taught/told from the perspective of White American/European colonisers. We need to reclaim our history and culture. No more white African Queens, Kings and Gods, there needs to be a true representation of African history and culture in the media.